did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
