This girl is more easily done than said...
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
