theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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