Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
i out mim tonsoeep
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
