That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
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