i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
