I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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