I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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