Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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