Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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