No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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