What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
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