i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
