there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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