i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
