she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
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