YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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