I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I need a beard to bite.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
