brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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