so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
