My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I can't turn off my feet"
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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