I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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