my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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