Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
