So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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