yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
