I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
