Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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