girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
