She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
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