My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
