even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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