ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
