I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
