I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
