i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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