i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
