ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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