I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
