So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
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