She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize