Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
