The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
This is the high leading the old right now
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
