At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
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