look no pants
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
