The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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