in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
