i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
