One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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