Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Randomize