If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
