And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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