Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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