i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
