Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
