I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
God, you're like boner-b-gone
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
