Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
