found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
