i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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