I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
