i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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