i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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