Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
