i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
